“Take 100% responsibility for yourself” is a piece of advice in a Dance with Brandee article — about getting more of what you want on the dance floor — that stood out for me. Brandee lists this under tips for follows, but I think it goes equally well for leads.
In addition to connecting through our core and “being alert, responsive and letting go of control,” Brandee notes ways a dancer can be a more effective partner: Increasing tone to improve connection if our partner’s frame is lax, relaxing tone if they’re strong-arming us, and facilitating moves if our partner isn’t clear. Whether you’re leading or following, I feel that’s all great advice.
Part of taking 100% responsibility, to me, means being conscious of my tendency to assign blame if a dance isn’t working. If aware, I can choose to re-frame negative thoughts so as to remain more accepting and curious, committed to helping the partnership work, regardless.
It can be dispiriting having a partner lecture you, either in class or on the dance floor, about what they think you need to do in order to make the dance work for them. Anyone presuming themselves the more experienced dancer (perhaps belied by their belief they’ve the right to lecture) actually has the outsized opportunity to make the dance feel successful for everyone involved. Shifting that blame energy to instead working creatively and more generously with what your partner is giving you will, I guarantee, be far more fun, productive, and make you a more sought-after partner, to boot.
See you on the dance floor —Sean Donovan