She’s the first person to smile at me today.
The first to make me feel wanted.
Understood.
I blink back tears.
It’s unknown how many students’ lives
librarians have saved
by welcoming loners at lunch.
—Lisa Fipps, Starfish
“The first two dances I went to, I did exactly that: I went to them. I sat in the parking lot and watched people go in, but didn’t get up the nerve.” That from Ron Bolin, founder of Seattle Dance Info, following my story last week about tip-toeing with trepidation into partner dancing. “It was the third dance,” Ron continued, “that I finally went in.” Having at last made it to the dance, and after sitting quietly for some time, Ron said: “A woman named Donna Ward asked me to dance and that’s how it all started.”
Now, it’s hard to imagine Ron sitting quietly or languishing in the parking lot, knowing how outgoing he can be. But it shows we all started somewhere, and I bet most dancers have a Donna-like memory we cherish. A friendly face who spied us sitting uncertainly on the sidelines and graciously invited us to dance. Some folks are natural ambassadors, affably approaching newcomers and regulars alike, ensuring those who aren’t dancing get a chance to connect. It can be challenging, when so many of our friends are present, to take time out for a dance or two with strangers. Nevertheless, it’s the only way our communities grow, when we help everyone feel they belong. And not only that, they can be the best dances!
In the article “How to Meet New People through Dancing“, Ian Crewe shares ideas for those new to a scene: Attend group classes, learn people’s names, genuinely compliment your partners (yes!), and take the initiative to ask others. Group classes were my entry and can be the best places to secure dance buddies. And while those are all good ideas for finding your way in, there’s no substitute for the welcome those already in the scene can provide.
As an afterthought, Crewe adds: “Laughing off your own mistakes shows you are a confident person who doesn’t need perfection to believe in yourself, and forgiving others helps them feel more safe and comfortable around you.” This, I think, is the perfect attitude for creating a warm, welcoming space. Resisting the urge to critique or advise and just partnering, with generosity and joy. Imagine someone telling their dance origin story with you as the grace note.
Invite a stranger to dance and be somebody’s Donna this week! Scroll lots of events, where you can do just that, online at the Dance Calendar.
See you on the dance floor —Sean Donovan