If you really want a woman to love you, then you have to dance. And if you don’t want to dance, then you’re going to have to work extra hard to make a woman love you forever, and you will always run the risk that she will leave you at any second for a man who knows how to tango.
— Sherman Alexie, War Dances
My 94-year old stepdad, Don, who served in the US Army during the Korean War, had a “heart event” this past week that landed him in the VA Hospital. We didn’t know it was his heart at the time, and neither did the doctors. All we knew was he’d become listless and vacant, and had kept my Mom up pretty much the entire night. By morning she was in tears, and called me to help take him to the ER.
After seven hours of tests and awaiting test results — while Don dozed and my Mom and I answered questions and fretted — the diagnosis remained inconclusive. The decision was made to simply release him, and by then we were all desperately ready to go.
As we headed home in my car, the old Country music playlist I’d been listening to resumed. Here I should also mention Don has severe dementia due to late-stage Alzheimer’s. Though I’ve known him nearly half a century, he regularly forgets who I am, and his mental capacities have greatly diminished. But the moment Hank Williams began singing “Your Cheatin’ Heart,” Don joined in and we all joyfully sang along. Animated and alert now, Don assured my Mom neither of them would ever have to worry about the other being unfaithful, with their love so secure.
Researchers have observed that, for dementia sufferers listening to “personally meaningful” music, multiple regions of the brain became activated and more highly connected (University of Utah summary). These include the visual, salience, and executive networks, along with the cerebellar and corticocerebellar network pairs. How extraordinary is music, that it can connect us even when the brain is severely damaged?
I’m profoundly grateful for the power of music, and for the people who make it. Make it a point to hug, thank and/or generously tip a musician this week when you’re out dancing. You’ll find events where you can do that, along with classes and special events, online at the Dance Calendar.
See you on the dance floor —Sean Donovan